The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
