Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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