we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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