I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
