I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
