i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
