i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
