I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
