New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
