the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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