Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
