u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
worst night to have a conscience
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
