OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
