Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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