How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
