Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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