well I can't set my house on fire every night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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