This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
