i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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