I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize