once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
