i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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