He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
