Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize