I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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