His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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