how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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