He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
