Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
