matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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