I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
