so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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