Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
