She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
