So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
