just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
