Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
