He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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