my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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