coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
