Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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