So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's official drugs can't kill me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
