Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
