The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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