She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
