Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
