What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
