Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
