i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need moral support for this bender
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
