After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
