Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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