Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
