Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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