How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
