Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
