I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
