I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
