She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
