I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
