the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
