This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
pray to the hookup gods
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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