You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
