He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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