so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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