so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
