It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
