i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
