I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize